A Visit To Craft Beer's Alternate Universe

This past April, Portland, Oregon hosted the Craft Brewers Conference, the annual mind-boggling pep rally and trade seminar for America’s exploding craft beer trade. But a few blocks across town and miles off of the beer radar, a gathering of America’s other rapidly growing beer-industry segment took place: The Former Craft Brewers Conference.

Did you hear about it? Attended by what the local paper described as a “small but affluent” audience, the debut FCBC helped newly purchased brewers tackle the problems that come with going from owner to owned.

As you can imagine, the FCBC was not without controversy. Prior to its start a mob of angry beer nuts (many in faded Elysian, Goose Island and Blue Point brewery shirts) swarmed the host Ritz-Carlton hotel to protest the co-opting of their beloved breweries. After impassioned bullhorn-amplified speeches, the group chugged bottles of a peach & pumpkin ale (aged on locally sourced beechwood) before smashing the empties in FCBC recycling bins.

The FCBC had distinctly different features from its CBC counterpart. CBCers were greeted with gift backpacks holding a beer glass, a collaboration beer and the latest issue of The New Brewer. FCBCers were welcomed with briefcases containing reading glasses, a collaborative NYSE/NASDAQ/Dow Jones craft beer report and the latest issue of Money.

While anthropologist Simon Sinek roused craft brewers with his keynote address, Warren Buffet brought a room of suits and FCBs to their feet with his speech on the investment potential of craft beer. He eschewed talk of IBUs and ABVs to focus on ROI and EBITDA.

FCBC seminars were fascinating. On the production side, the “Cheaper Ingredients, Better Beer” and “Microbrewing in 200-Barrel Batches” were popular. “Brewing Good Beer with One Hand” drew a larger crowd and instructed fresh FCBs on the art of mashing in while holding your nose.

Maketing seminars (the FCBC boasted 50 of these for every one production seminar) were also noteworthy. “The Risks of Super Bowl Ads” and “Increasing Crafty Beer Sales While Attacking Craft Beer” included vital info for FCB owners. “Fuss Off” was a hit with brewers and investors looking to “brew the hard way” and free themselves of beer-nosing customers.